Valentine's Day, Self-love

There are human beings who have learned to love others by detaching from themselves with the conviction of service as a gift that builds community. However, in therapy sessions and out, I have met men and women who have been able to put themselves aside in favor of others, but who, in turn, have displaced their own needs in order to attend to the needs of others.

I am talking about those who abandon themselves in order to satisfy the desires and even the whims of others, rather than the needs of others. Especially, I am talking about those who confuse loving another, or having a partner, as forgetting about themselves; as if the other person becomes the most important person in their life and they end up moving away from friends, family, hobbies. Assuming a role of spectator in the life of the other and they do not shake off how lonely and unloved they see themselves, even though they surround themselves with many people who, rather than loving them, take advantage of their servility.

In this behavior, one can glimpse beliefs about themselves as undeserving. That is to say, they consider that they are not so valuable, nor worthy of being loved or appreciated because of the constant comparison they make with others, since they consider themselves as "little nothing". Everything looks nice to others, but not to them. And in this sense, they consider others as more important or valuable than themselves. They place the demands and needs of others as more worthy of importance over their own. Everything else comes before them, and their own interests are overridden by those of others.

This can lead them to feelings of resentment even with the smile of the other, they envy the life of others and constantly overwhelm themselves with depressive traits. The feeling of guilt is distressing to them when they receive attention or details from others. They do not even dare to treat themselves, as they prefer not to spend money or time on themselves, since they consider that there are "more important" things that require priority than themselves.

Love is measured, exaggerations and extremes show shortcomings or self-deceptions. Recovering self-love is not a finished conquest, it is a daily conquest. Therefore:

1. Take back the interest or enjoyment of what you love, of the things you like. Become aware and you will discover that you are still passionate about dancing, painting, walking, etc. And do it again. Put in your words what you want for yourself today, for example: "I'm going to invite myself out to the cafe in the park this afternoon at 5:00 pm".

2. Prioritize yourself over everything else. There are many tasks on the daily agenda, put yourself among the priorities and keep it in mind. "At five o'clock I already have an engagement at the park cafe..."

3. Avoid procrastinating yourself. Avoid procrastinating and forgetting about yourself like most of the time. Try to put yourself first and keep your word to yourself (as you usually do to others). "I'll be there!"

4. And check in with how you feel. Enjoy yourself and those gifts that you deserve and that help you see yourself as the love of your life.

It's not about becoming selfish in the opposite sense. It is about recognizing our needs and valuing them as a priority as we see ourselves as deserving of appreciation, care and attention, especially to ourselves.